Left In Alabama
politics

A Fake Consultant Exclusive: Political Robots Fail In Operational Service

by: fake consultant

Wed Jul 15, 2009 at 08:13:27 AM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

It has been quite some time, Gentle Reader, since we addressed the issue of political robot design, but recent events have forced us to return to the subject once again.

As you undoubtedly are aware, three high profile ‘bots from Robotican™ Labs have recently experienced major failures.

It was originally thought that the problems were isolated to the Robotican™.1 Congressional Series of Devices...but it is now known that the failures also extend to the.2 Gubernatorial Series as well.

In today’s story we will examine what is known about these failures, how they may impact other devices in Political Service, and what solutions might be available to address these issues.
There's More... :: (3 Comments, 1865 words in story)

On Homeland Security, Or, We Visit A Terrorist Gathering Place

by: fake consultant

Sun Aug 22, 2010 at 21:37:39 PM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

They better not build that mosque down by Ground Zero, we’re being told, not just because it’s insensitive, but because we have no idea what they’ll be up to down there.

I mean, where did the money come from?

Who does this Imam hang out with, anyway?

And, at a time when our Nation faces more threats than ever, why would we let these Muslim madmen situate their “terror command posts anywhere?

Well, I don’t know about all of that...but I do know a place where lots of these Islamic terrorists go to obtain the equipment and supplies they need to support their particular craft, and I decided to make a bit of an undercover visit to the spot, so that I might “observe and report” on what goes on at this specific location.

So put on your dark glasses...and let’s go see what we can find out.
There's More... :: (7 Comments, 1338 words in story)

On Saving Us From The Immoral, Or "Ready, Fire...Aim!"

by: fake consultant

Fri Aug 20, 2010 at 01:02:33 AM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

It was about a week ago that we saw the ruling throwing out California’s Prop 8; that decision has now been appealed, and we will see, at some point in the future, how the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals handles the matter.

A couple of days later, I had a story up that walked through the ruling, describing the tactics used by the Prop 8 proponents, which, in the opinion of the Judge who looked at the evidence, were basically to try to scare Californians into thinking that gay people, once they’re able to get gay married, will somehow now be free to evangelize your kids and make them gay, too.

In the course of answering comments on the several sites where the story is up, I noticed that there were those who felt the Bible should be guiding our thinking here...that if it did, we would be better off than where we are today, with all those immoral gay people running around free to do all those immoral gay things.

This led me to an obvious question: are those who have been using the Bible as a sort of “divining rod” to figure out who is immoral and who is not...actually any good at it?

There's More... :: (7 Comments, 1142 words in story)

On Saving 319,000 Jobs, Or, Legislation Keeps Teachers Teaching

by: fake consultant

Tue Aug 10, 2010 at 03:50:20 AM CDT

As I pick up the pace of work again, coming into the midterms, I have to get some stories cleared off the desk in order to make room for some others, and that's what we're about today.

We'll be talking about saving more than 300,000 of this country's most important jobs, and paying for it in a way that is not only good policy, but is a real problem for Republicans who are yelling "no new taxes!" once again while pretending they care about actually paying for actual spending and actually want to cut actual unemployment.

We have a bit of work to do today, but we want to keep it somewhat short...so let's get going.

There's More... :: (1 Comments, 750 words in story)

On Organized Fearmongering Revealed, Or, "Lock Up The Kids...It's The Gay!"

by: fake consultant

Sat Aug 07, 2010 at 21:52:23 PM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

The airwaves (and the print and blog waves, for that matter) are filled with the news that a Federal Judge in California has declared that State’s Proposition 8 to be unconstitutional, which could clear the way for the resumption of same-sex weddings in the State.

Ordinarily, this would be the point where I would present to you a walkthrough of the ruling, and we’d have a fine conversation about the legal implications of what has happened.

I’m not doing that today, frankly, because the ground is already well-covered; instead, we’re going to take a look at some of the tactics that were used to pass Prop 8, as they were presented in Judge Vaughan’s opinion.

It’s an ugly story—and even more than that, it’s a reminder of why it’s tough to advance civil rights through the political process, and what you have to deal with when you’re trying to make such a thing happen.
There's More... :: (24 Comments, 1946 words in story)

I clarify my position and criticism of the President

by: SaintSatinStain

Fri Aug 06, 2010 at 14:01:53 PM CDT

I clarify my position and criticism of the President.

I foolishly believe that as a Democrat that I don’t have to walk a straight and narrow party line. I believe that Democrats, unlike the other party, is still diverse, some left, some right, some wrong, some strung out on word play deployed to bamboozle, sometimes just to fun you.

One thing though, if I support someone other than President Obama in the next  race for the Democratic nomination, that one will probably walk farther left than President Obama.

Hell, this country should be a slightly leftist country; it should be leftist and capitalist; it should use the economic engine of capitalism to
“...promote the general Welfare, ...”

Maybe I don’t understand “promote the general welfare.” Does it mean don’t just promote the specific group’s welfare, such as large corporations, and to promote the welfare of all?

There's More... :: (0 Comments, 498 words in story)

Lee Surrenders To Grant, Obama Retains Slavery

by: fake consultant

Thu Jul 22, 2010 at 03:05:30 AM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

WASHINGTON, DC, April 10, 1865 (FNS)-The Civil War ended yesterday with the surrender of General Lee's Confederate Forces to Ulysses S. Grant, the Union Commander, at Appomattox.

Although most observers are generally happy with the surrender, many of President Obama's most loyal supporters are livid with the Commander-in-Chief because of the concessions he made in order to obtain the future support of the Southern Senators who will rejoin the body when the next Session begins.

At a media event this morning, Press Secretary Dick Timoneous expressed the President's hope that the formerly Confederate Members of Congress are looking forward to changing the political culture and steering the Nation in a better direction:

"It's time for the opposition to realize that what really matters is putting America first. The President is certain that by offering some concessions now, Southern Senators will look beyond their own parochial interests and do their part to move this process forward."

There's More... :: (3 Comments, 638 words in story)

Individual acts and the collapse of Pakistan

by: ultimatejosh

Fri Jul 09, 2010 at 16:48:09 PM CDT

I am the Afghanistan Blogging Fellow for The Seminal and Brave New Foundation. You can read my work on The Seminal or at Rethink Afghanistan. The views expressed below are my own.

Earlier this week, I wrote about an impending civil war in Pakistan, projecting a possible "complete collapse of Pakistan as a recognizable entity," referring not to its geography (it has survived breakaway provinces before, with national identities still intact) but rather to its structure as a modern, democratic society.  Some readers were understandably skeptical.
There's More... :: (0 Comments, 1989 words in story)

On The Smartest Investment Ever, Or, Wanna Restart The Economy?

by: fake consultant

Wed Jul 07, 2010 at 07:03:22 AM CDT

It's been a while since we had to have a real heart-to-heart, the Obama Administration and I, and last time it was because Rahm Emanuel had been a bit snippy toward those of us who are carrying the water for this Administration.

We need to have another one of those conversations today; this time the circumstances are a lot more positive-in fact, if the Administration follows my suggestions here, we have a real chance to put the Democrats on the road to victory, not just this November, but also in 2012.

What I'm proposing will create hundreds of thousands, if not millions of jobs, and it will stimulate millions more as we create a national source of discount electrical power that can be used by business and consumers alike.

Here's the best part: it's no "pie in the sky" promotion I'm offering here; we've already done the same thing before, it's been working out well for almost three quarters of a century...and even better than all that...my idea first pays for itself, and then...it actually makes the Federal Government a profit, forever after.

There's More... :: (7 Comments, 1235 words in story)

Republicans Intervene In Traffic Accident, Call Settlement "Shakedown"

by: fake consultant

Thu Jun 24, 2010 at 06:55:28 AM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

Brighton, Colorado (FNS)-Attorneys from the Republican Study Group (RSG) descended upon the 17th Judicial District courtroom of Judge John T Bryan today to present an amicus brief and associated oral arguments in order to prevent a settlement in a lawsuit related to an automobile accident in this Colorado city.

The intervening attorneys claim the settlement reached between the two parties to the accident is a "shakedown" because the plaintiff had not yet exhausted all possible legal remedies when the agreement was finalized, and because the agreement was executed in the presence of the plaintiff's brother, a well-known local attorney.

They hope Judge Bryan will decline to approve the settlement in today's hearing, and that he will order the parties to move forward to trial.

"What we have is government transferring property from one party, an admittedly unattractive one, to others, not based on preexisting laws but on decisions by one man, a car czar", said Crush Mimbaugh, attorney for the RSG, "and we are here today to protect all Americans from this legally sanctioned rape of an innocent driver."

There's More... :: (15 Comments, 854 words in story)

On Setting Things Straight, Or, An Open Letter To The United Kingdom

by: fake consultant

Sun Jun 13, 2010 at 06:21:42 AM CDT

Dear The United Kingdom,

I just wanted to take a minute to say hello and to see how things have been for you lately, and to maybe bring you up to date on a bit of news from here.

Well, right off the bat, we hear you have a new Conservative Prime Minister and that his Party and Nick Clegg and the Lib Dems are in partnership, which I'm sure will be interesting; you probably heard that us Colonials are again having Tea Parties, which has also been very interesting.

I have a Godson who's getting married this September, so we're all talking about that, and I hear Graham Norton was even better than last year at hosting Eurovision, despite the fact that it's...frankly, it's Eurovision.

Oh, yeah...we also had a bit of an oil spill recently that you may have heard about-and hoo, boy; you should see how the Company that spilled the oil has been acting.

There's More... :: (7 Comments, 1459 words in story)

On Balanced Budgets, Or, Hey, Rand, Why Not Show Your Cards Now?

by: fake consultant

Wed Jun 09, 2010 at 15:22:16 PM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

Those who are regular visitors to this space know that I post stories across the country, and to do that I have to follow stories from a number of states.

Because I post at Kentucky's Hillbilly Report, I've been paying particular attention to the Rand Paul campaign, and the news from the Bluegrass State (via "The Rush Limbaugh Show") is that Paul's planning to write his own balanced budget proposal for the Federal Government.

But there's a catch.

He doesn't plan on doing it until after the election.

Well, now, why in the world would a guy who's running for office based on his really good ideas want to hold back the best one?

There's More... :: (13 Comments, 558 words in story)

Dittybop dittybop ditty bop

by: SaintSatinStain

Wed Jun 09, 2010 at 11:04:17 AM CDT

I miss them good old days when white folk at least said, nigra. I’m sentimental for them good old days. Maybe I will go out and buy a banjo today.

One noticeable tack of some Republican argument in the election is to oppose that nigger in the White House. They substitute liberal and socialist for the image that soils their lily brains, nigger.

I almost wish that they could just say it aloud. It’s allowed, protected constitutionally.

I won’t even cut them with my switchblade or burn down my own neighborhood.

Who do I fool? I live in an tame integrated neighborhood with enough white folk to gentle the dark ones.

I’m the only rough neck here, my thuggery intellectual or bombastic, and subliminally seductive.

I expect Republican party to harbor evil ships of fools. I expect them to believe that one uppity nigger, or one renegade white nigger lover will bring down Anglo Saxon civilization.

I don’t expect that from Democrats, but got that almost (almost) the other day when one accused me of jeopardizing the whole Democrat agenda because I mentioned one minor MINOR reason I supported a candidate. Lil old me has the power to crash the hopes of the Democratic party.

I’m not a Democrat yet, save in my brain. I haven’t been to a meeting yet. I haven’t signed the pledge to thwart the attempts of the gentle Angles and Saxons to take back their country. Take it back from that, that...in the White House.

Perhaps the Cats will forgive my use of it since to too many Republicans (and a few Democrats) I’m just another nigger too, one who writes once pristine western civilization to degradation.

I add that phrase, “Take back our country,” to the list of phrases that compel me to load my flintlock, leave it by the door. It competes with “the good old days” for number one on my list of phrases that warn me of danger.

I have to take back my country one day from the one in which Tomtom Jefferson beat out such lofty ideals that he couldn’t live by:
back to the country that existed before the big bang when niggers behaved.
Discuss :: (0 Comments)

A meditation I didn't edit because I'd excuse myself from the indictment

by: SaintSatinStain

Mon May 31, 2010 at 04:31:54 AM CDT

I rode a distance on my bicycle that twenty years ago would have simply been a blip in my day; now it tired me so much that I slept a day. But, I tell myself, it was on a Raleigh 3 speed, and if I had done it on my touring bike, the 24 speed wonder, I’d ...well. Yet some Europeans and Asians do it on 3 speeds, even single speeds without my tiredness. My kin and kith believe me a wonder. I know that I am simply less a sissy, but a North American sissy little less. At my age I should be able to ride a double century with consequence of maybe one or two more hours of sleep required. I haven’t done a double in a decade. n

Folk around me believe that I’m in great shape because I can pedal more than a few miles. Do I tell them that it takes less energy to power a bicycle than to walk? Do I tell them that cycling is a sport that non athletes can do well in, that only walking and swimming have lower impact on the body? No. No, this is a political blog space and the body politic majority has rejected cycling as a mode of even urban transport. No matter that even folk my age, 67, and folk 70, 80, even into the 90s ride bicycles, or some variant human powered vehicles such as adult tricycles.

I ride to visit, do errands, and to simply cruise and look at the countryside sometimes. Remember the 50s when gas was 17 to 25 cents a gallon? Remember when you and your friends would get in the car and ride to see and be seen? You ride just to ride? Gas was so cheap that a dollar could propel you to the Dairy Queen.

The disaster in the Gulf and the music I am listening to now, Irish Songs of Rebellion/Irish Drinking Songs, The Clancy Brothers with Tommy Makem, spins this meditation out my brain. It was these lines from the song “The Parting Glass.”

“And all the harm that I ever did
alas it was to none but me..”
 
I wish it were so.

I know that except for the products like my mobile, and its network, some bike parts, and few other products derived from petroleum, I am not affected by the price of oil. My transport is little affected by the oil market, yet it is affected by the gluttonous behaviour of my kin, kith, friends, neighbors, and citizens of this country, and the rapacious search for oil.

I share some of the blame for the harm I do each day now to the folk who live along the Gulf because I haven’t persuaded you to ride bicycles more often. I share the hurt too. If I could write better, speak more eloquently, or shape the language that would move you to feel the suffering of gaia. That it is your suffering too.

I was tired because I rode 80 miles in a couple of days, stopped and did a token of work for my candidate, left about 22:30. I stopped by Kroger on Oakwood and bought about 50 dollars of food; it filled the grocery panniers on the back of my bicycle. It weighed between 40 to 50 pounds. I got home about 01:20. I slept the day.

Remember in the 50s when 50 dollars of groceries would have filled the back seat and the trunk of a car?

As I did during the 50s I go for rides just to ride, to see and be seen, though I must admit that fewer women check me out now and some motorists hassle me even though I don’t obstruct their right of way. I don’t know where the Dairy Queen is or if they still exist.

When I was a youngun my pa and I shared a love for science fiction. Some of the technology I read does exist now. I carry a pocket communicator with which I can call anyone, almost, in the world. I have a personal communications network at home with which I can send electronic mail, talk to kin, kith, and friends by video, and do research in computers around the world.

Where are the high speed trains? Where are forested residential neighborhoods because with the high speed trains we don’t have to cluster in densely populated cities? Where is the breathable air because we ride human powered vehicles in our neighborhoods?

Why didn’t our politicians read the same science fiction that my pa and I read?
Why didn’t you?
Discuss :: (3 Comments)

News website

by: Joanncrtt

Sat May 22, 2010 at 11:42:07 AM CDT

I found a really good comprehensive news website I wanted to share.  I hope you all like  it as much as I do!

http://www.realitychex.com/ 

Discuss :: (0 Comments)

A Few Quick Words About Small Government

by: fake consultant

Fri May 21, 2010 at 23:54:31 PM CDT

We don't have a lot of time for a big discussion today, but I wanted to take a second and talk about basic Federal Government economics as they apply to Rand Paul.

It is his stated vision to reduce the size of Government...and it is an undeniable reality that the vast majority of the Federal Budget is focused on only a few areas of spending.

Today, we'll quickly run through that economic reality, and we'll challenge Dr. Paul to tell us where he stands.

There's More... :: (3 Comments, 248 words in story)

I guess you've figured by now

by: SaintSatinStain

Fri May 07, 2010 at 16:20:18 PM CDT

I guess you've figured by now that I possess a profound ignorance of Alabama politics.  Thanks to you'all I am learning.

I know that Alabama is F'd up, but now I learn the details here.  

Once I felt like fleeing the state, live all the year in the Village, or somewhere; yet realize that I'd make the state less progressive by my absence and myself immoral. 

I was born in Scottsboro, my father the principal of George Washington Carver during the "good old days." Even when I say "good old days" my hands itch to load my flintlock and leave it by the door.  

My pa saved many from the effects of the "good old days," but it took me awhile to appreciate him.  I called him once an educational sharecropper because of the dual, separate but equal system of education.  I was sixteen, in college, and full of myself.  I soon learned that he was a hero, or as close as any one could live it.  He didn't believe in putting mortals in a pantheon.  He believed in the One. 

 

There's More... :: (10 Comments, 388 words in story)

More about Money, Oil, and Politicians

by: iaintright

Sat May 01, 2010 at 17:22:04 PM CDT

I clicked this link to a story about lawyers migrating south to the gulf coast for a feeding frenzy: Lawyers flock to Gulf Coast for oil spill lawsuits I thought it would be good for a few laughs.  Instead, I knocked my head with the heel of my hand, for I had almost forgotten this:

Toxic residues remain to this day after the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska's Prince William Sound, studies have shown. Thousands of fishermen, cannery workers, landowners and Native Americans were initially awarded $5 billion in punitive damages. That was reduced on appeal to $2.5 billion and then, in 2008, cut down to $507.5 million by the U.S. Supreme Court.

Discuss :: (12 Comments)

To Attract Tourists, Louisiana Governor Announces Free Oil Giveaway

by: fake consultant

Fri Apr 30, 2010 at 03:56:54 AM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

Baton Rouge (FNS)-Facing both a massive oil slick from a sunken offshore drilling platform and a second year of declining tourism revenues along the Louisiana Gulf Coast caused by high gas prices, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal today introduced a new tourism promotion that he reports is going to "...make lemons into lemonade".

Jindal, flanked by British Petroleum's Director of Marketing Dick Timoneous and the Executive Director of the Louisiana State Tourism Board, Jenna Talia, announced that the "All The Oil You Can Carry Festival" would officially commence today just east of New Orleans, and last at least through the month of May.

There's More... :: (10 Comments, 558 words in story)

Next Up: A Climate Bill

by: Heather TaylorMiesle NRDC Action Fund

Fri Mar 26, 2010 at 13:59:13 PM CDT

Woo-hoo. The healthcare bill is done.  People will see many of the provisions go into place immediately and then they can decide how they feel about these reforms based on reality instead of frenzied, uninformed rhetoric.  Let's just take a moment to recognize this historic occasion.  
There's More... :: (2 Comments, 407 words in story)
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