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Halliburton Gets $2 Billion Contract For Florida "Cardboard Condos"

by: fake consultant

Sun Oct 17, 2010 at 17:23:45 PM CDT

( - promoted by mooncat)

Miami, Florida, September 13, 2018 (FNS)-Facing pressure from voters to "do something" following the disaster caused by the privatization of Social Security, the White House today announced that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) is awarding a $2 billion contract to the Halliburton Company for the purchase of 22,000 "cardboard condos" that will be installed in public parks around the Miami area in an effort to alleviate the problem of homelessness among the impoverished elderly.

"Having homeless senior citizens drag their appliance boxes all over the city reduces the community's aesthetic appeal and leads to complaints", said Halliburton spokesman Tendei Furlough. "The new modular design, combined with our ability to print attractive images on the outside of the boxes, guarantees both increased protection from winter weather and fewer complaints from affected neighborhoods."

FEMA's Director of Emergency Housing Resources Spike Fromula agreed: "We thought we had a real problem with homelessness in a number of our major cities after the Social Security safety net collapsed...but now, we think...well, we think we have a way to wrap the problem up in a neat little package."

fake consultant :: Halliburton Gets $2 Billion Contract For Florida "Cardboard Condos"
Nearly two years in development, the new product, officially known as the Emergency Living Device, Experimental, Regular Length, Yard (ELDERLY), is a response to the 2014 privatization of the Social Security program and the 2016 stock market collapse that occurred after the secret effort to sell "futures" in Republican Party policies and programs came to light, creating a national scandal which is still having repercussions across the United States.

These two events led to almost 18 million of the nearly 60 million elderly Americans now on Social Security losing all their future retirement income; almost 3 million of that 18 million now live in the Miami area, creating a massive homelessness problem that has overwhelmed every community in South Florida.

At today's press event, Halliburton displayed a "block" of the ELDERLY boxes, which combine various pastel colors in a manner that makes them entirely compatible with the Miami "style", and it was easy to see how effective the design will be:

"The boxes open on both ends to make them comfortable in the summer" Furlough told me, "and the people who occupy the boxes in the middle will be very comfortable in the winter as well, thanks to the insulation provided by the boxes on the ends of the rows."

The Social Security Administration plans to distribute "ELDERLY vouchers" throughout South Florida over the next several months in order to provide an organized path to "home ownership" for some of those who lost all they owned in the market collapse; some have suggested that this may be the only asset most of the newly-destitute 18 million Social Security account holders will ever recover.

FEMA's Fromula was enthusiastic about the new partnership: "Once again we've shown, that, given a problem, the free market can provide a solution, and we are grateful to Halliburton for stepping up with ELDERLY technology, and for doing it at the very affordable contract price of under $9500 per unit, including delivery, setup, and assembly. Barring cost overruns, we expect to be able to provide a shelter for every homeless person in Florida for about $3 trillion dollars, assuming that sufficient taxpayer funding can be provided."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The fine folks at the Campaign for America's Future are thinking about what would happen if Social Security were to be privatized because it's something a lot of Republicans are thinking about right now...and it's something you better be thinking about, too.
other free market solutions?
24-hour "adult day care" busses with beds
permanent "mexican vacations"
humana rents guantanamo: giant senior center
"soylent green...it's made from people!"


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there's a lot of fee income to be had... (4.00 / 1)
...and we assume that's why so much money will be circling around the issue in the next congress.

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

This is your brain on Republicanism! (4.00 / 2)

People living in their own pastel colored boxes??? Well that's compassionate conservatism for you!

"This is not a Republican or a Democratic issue. This is about the whole system being against us." - an Occupy protester at Obama's Des Moines office.

[ Parent ]
and pretty, too! (4.00 / 1)

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]
This will be hell on the economy (4.00 / 1)
You can't fit much furniture, clothing or other consumer goods into those cardboard boxes!

Work harder and work smarter!

[ Parent ]
i suppose that's true... (0.00 / 0)
...but then again, these folks have already been successfully "drained of funds", so it's not like they're gonna be buying a lot of that stuff anyway, eh?

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]
What about cat food? (4.00 / 1)
They're going to need to subsidize cat food so seniors can afford it.  And maybe even jigger the regulations so it provides a reasonable level of nutrition for humans ... what the hell am I thinking?  These are Republicans, they don't do regulations even for pet food.  Just put any old cheap crap from China in a can and label it "premium."  Fluffy, Grandma, what's the diff?

Work harder and work smarter!

that is not... (4.00 / 1)

...the way it's done.

remember: you cannot bill for "research and development" in the price of the emergency food if you don't spend a few bucks up front top really create a good product--and by that i mean something that can be "repurposed" from military to civilian use, so that it can be sold to the government at military prices.

know the system...live the system...work the system. 

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]
Yes, but no Fancy Feast (4.00 / 2)
Gotta save money! Grandma can only get the discount brand.

"This is not a Republican or a Democratic issue. This is about the whole system being against us." - an Occupy protester at Obama's Des Moines office.

[ Parent ]
i must respectfully disagree: (4.00 / 1)
most contractors don't want to save money if they can avoid it because it generally lowers the potential profit that can be made, much as a waiter doesn't want to encourage you to go cheap on dinner because it tends to drive down the tip.

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]
I'm Shocked!!! (4.00 / 2)

$2 Billion divided by 22,000 units is $90,909 per unit. I want to applaud Halliburton for accepting this work at ten times their cost. Their corporate ethics and civic ideals should be a signpost to us all.

I wonder - couldn't we give Halliburton more if we were to impose .....multiple occupancy requirements??

Gardener: One who interfers with natural selection one seed at a time

i did miss the math on this one... (0.00 / 0)

...and with this posted on roughly 25 sites, you're the only one who caught the error.

as don rickles would say: "you win a cookie". 

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]
Don't forget about the cardboard gas masks (4.00 / 1)
 For when the Republicans kill the EPA.

October 2012 was the 332nd consecutive month with a global temperature above the 20th century average. The last month with below-average temperature was February 1985. - N.O.A.A.

funny you should mention it... (0.00 / 0)
...here's a link to a site showing how to make a cardboard gas mask model.

"...i have to quote marx here: groucho and chico were having a debate..." --barney frank

[ Parent ]



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