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Alabama Secession Petition Hits 25,000 Signatures

by: mooncat

Wed Nov 14, 2012 at 09:00:00 AM CST


Secession SignaturesAs of 7 am this morning, well over 26,000 people had signed on to the petition asking the Obama administration to "Peacefully grant the State of Alabama to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government." 

As we reported a couple of days ago, it appears that almost half of the signatures are still coming from people in other states.  Not clear whether they're lending moral support to Alabama's secession effort, or just expressing a desire to be rid of us.

As Dana Milbank points out in The Confederacy of Takers, in some respects the rest of the Union would might more perfect without Alabama and the other Old Confederacy states ...

They should be careful about what they wish for. It would be excellent financial news for those of us left behind if Obama were to grant a number of the rebel states their wish “to withdraw from the United States and create [their] own NEW government” (the petitions emphasize “new” by capitalizing it).

Red states receive, on average, far more from the federal government in expenditures than they pay in taxes. The balance is the opposite in blue states. The secession petitions, therefore, give the opportunity to create what would be, in a fiscal sense, a far more perfect union.

And in case you're wondering, topping the 25,000 signature mark does NOT automatically allow Alabama to secede, it just requires the White House to respond to the petition. Tempting as it might be to balance the federal budget by jettisoning the Confederacy of Takers, I'm pretty sure the Obama administration's response will boil down to these five words:

                                We're all in this together.

Still.

mooncat :: Alabama Secession Petition Hits 25,000 Signatures
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Jon Stewart on the secession movement ... (4.00 / 1)

"At least now I’m beginning to understand why southern states were always so hesitant to get rid of the Confederate Flag.  It’s like keeping your fat pants after you lose some weight. You’re happy for now with the new you, but you’re pretty sure you’re gonna need those pants again."

 



Work harder and work smarter!

Why the Blue States might be relieved to be rid of us ... (0.00 / 0)

This came via email a couple of days before the election ... and before the secessionist petitions started breeding like rabbits.  Humorous, yes, but all too sadly true.

Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics (like "legitimate rape") so we have decided to leave you.

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country, the Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research.
You get Bobby Jindal, Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin. We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 % of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama. And Louisiana.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue.
You now get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 % lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be pro choice and anti-war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no convincing purpose.

We wish you success in Afghanistan and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90 % of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy (Yale, Harvard, etc.) and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Berkeley, U of Chicago, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs; 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 1 00% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists; Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale;
62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws;
44% say that evolution is only a theory;
53% claim that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and
61% of you crazies believe that you have higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good California weed, too. You can have the junk they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Stan Singer

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America



Work harder and work smarter!

Wow, I can sign from New Mexico! (0.00 / 0)

I had no idea that an expat from Alabama happily living in New Mexico could sign that petition.  Imagine if Alabama left the Union the "Bubbas" will actually get to live with their decisions instead of being saved from their stupidity and hate by the Federal Courts!  The concept is stunning and should scare any sane people that might be left in Alabama shitless. 

No offense but the general feeling of folks out here is go Alabama, please go - take your hate, ignorance and racism with you. It's an old act and we are getting tired of it.  Just go, please go! 



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